I Did It!

Wow! What a total thrill. I read 9 of my poems and 2 of my songs on KOPN 98.5 FM here in Columbia, Missouri. I never have done a poetry reading before ever in my life. My parents in Michigan were able to hear me over the internet and they called me to tell how proud they were of me. As I walked down the steps from the radio station I kept saying to myself "I did it. I really did it." I was so happy I laughed and cried. What a wonderful day.

You Remain Unforgiven (song)

Funny how you think an email after all these years
Would makeup for all the ways you made me hurt.
Sorry doesn't cut it for me or stop the tears,
And I still wish you were six feet under dirt.
But what you did to me was nothing.
But what you did to me was nothing.
Like what you did to the children.
Oh my God what you did to the children.

I hate you today just as much
As I hated you back then.
I will never forgive you
Or absolve you of your sins.
I don't feel bad that
You don't like your life.
I don't care at all that
You don't love your wife.
You earned all the pain
So I could really care less.
That you feel like your
Life is such a f***ing mess.

Funny how you think that you could undo the wrong,
And come back into my life as nothing happen,
By sending words to a Cheryl Crow, Kidd Rock song.
But us together again ain't going to happen.
But what you did to me was nothing.
But what you did to me was nothing.
Like what you did to the children.
Oh my God what you did to the children.

I hate you today just as much
As I hated you back then.
I will never forgive you
Or absolve you of your sins.
I don't feel bad that
You don't like your life.
I don't care at all that
You don't love your wife.
You earned all the pain
So I could really care less.
That you feel like your
Life is such a f***ing mess.

I hate you today just as much
But what you did to me was nothing.
As I hated you back then.
But what you did to me was nothing.
I will never forgive you
But what you did to me was nothing.
Or absolve you of your sins.
But what you did to me was nothing.
I don't feel bad that
But what you did to me was nothing.
You don't like your life.
But what you did to me was nothing.
I don't care at all that
But what you did to me was nothing.
You don't love your wife.
But what you did to me was nothing.
You earned all the pain
Like what you did to the children.
So I could really care less.
Like what you did to the children.
That you feel like your
Like what you did to the children.
Life is such a f***ing mess.
Oh my God what you did to the children.

Sliding Back Into Insanity (Song)

It's the middle of the night
But I am awake like it's high noon.
I can't hear a sound because
Silent sirens are filling up the room.
All the drugs I take to turn me off
At night fail to flip down the switch.
A shadow figure passes by me,
I give the finger to the son of a b***h.

I held it together as long as I could.
But now I am sliding back into insanity
I'm on a dark horse at full gallop.
And now I am riding back into insanity.

My thoughts go around and around.
They just will not, can not do not go away.
My reality is tilted and spinning.
I try to grab on: it starts to decay.
My hearts pounds hard against my chest.
I scream out loud to get back my breath.
It is as hot as hell in my heart.
But I feel as if I'm cold as death.

I held it together as long as I could.
But now I am sliding back into insanity.
I'm on a dark horse at full gallop.
And now I am riding back into insanity.

Promises Broken (Song)

Sometimes the magician gets caught up into the illusion.
Conjuring the truth and the lies into blinding fusion.
When reality gets to be more than you can ever stand.
Your mind deceives you with a mental slight of hand.

Chorus:
I really meant to keep promises in my heart.
But I turned self-deception into a form of art.
I wish I could take back words that were spoken.
And cast a spell to fix the promises broken.

Sometimes the writer believes the written words on the page.
Only reading between the lines can you see the hidden rage.
Just wanting to live out the happily ever after fantasy;
You can't get the words to rhyme together in this reality.

Chorus:
I really meant to keep promises in my heart.
But I turned self-deception into a form of art.
I wish I could take back words that were spoken.
And rewrite the story of promises broken.

Sometimes the musician lives the song and the music.
No matter how much you play you just can't get the lick.
Out of tune and rhythm off; a ballad that's gone bad.
The truth of the blues is you lost what you once had.

Chorus:
I really meant to keep promises in my heart.
But I turned self-deception into a form of art.
I wish I could take back words that were spoken.
And sing a song of promises not broken.

Read on the radio at KOPN 98.5 FM on March 28th, 2010.

Where Are The Snows Of Yesterday

It was building igloos in the backyard,
Filling up the car with sleds to go to the park,
Ducking snowballs flying through the air,
Drinking hot chocolate to warm up and then
Going back outside to get covered in snow again.

It was celebrating birthdays in December,
Opening presents on Christmas,
Kissing the first time in falling snow,
Hiking in the woods with snow boats and
Skiing cross county on the campus grounds.

It was moving away from home,
Learning to drive on icy roads,
Marrying the wrong guy in the wrong month,
Bundling babies up to keep them warm and
Going out in the cold at night for diapers.

It was sitting in night court to keep warm,
Sleeping in different homeless shelters,
Lighting up a Coleman heater in a van,
Reading in a library with no where to go and
Praying for warmer weather and something to eat.

It was sitting in a house without any heat,
Begging for money to pay the utility bill,
Trying bury your pet in frozen ground,
Saying good bye to your family forever, and
Being all alone on the holidays.

It was dreaming of igloos in the backyard,
Filling up the car with sleds to go to the park,
Ducking snowballs flying through the air,
Drinking hot chocolate to warm up and then
Going back outside to get covered in snow again.

Read on the radio at KOPN 98.5 FM on March 28th, 2010.

Time Travel

It's 2:18 in the afternoon
Says the clock on the living room wall.
As I sit on my deck daydreaming
About nothing and sipping sweet tea.
I watch two boys riding bikes on the road.
Their laughter floats up to me;
The music of summer and youth.
A little later couple walks by
Holding hands like new lovers.
A bee hovers over the sweet tea
As the sun moves lower in the sky.
It's 2:18 in the afternoon
Says the clock on the living room wall.
A bus stops letting off the children
Who have been attending summer school.
Slowly driveways empty all day fill up
With cars and their drivers hurry inside
Out of the heat and start to prepare dinner.
The phone rings and summons me inside.
It is my supervisor informing me that I am late.
I hurry to change into my uniform.
I was suppose to be there at 5:00 pm.
It's 2:18 in the afternoon
Says the clock on the living room wall.

Read on the radio at KOPN 98.5 FM on March 28th, 2010.

Step 6

Without my defects who would I be?
For I am them and they are me.
Without them what would fill the void.
Wouldn't myself be destroyed?
My emotional brain says hat God Would take care,
Bu my logical brain warns me to beware.
Self preservation is the strongest urge.
My defects I am not sure I could purge.
Without my defects what is it I would see?
Would I know who it was looking back at me?

Read on the radio at KOPN 98.5 FM on March 28th, 2010.