Miss Adventure

I moved from the city to the country.
Much to the dismay of my lover
and her inner Zsa Zsa Gabor.
In my mind I was the
Duchess of Boone County.
Straighting the curves,
Flatting the hills
And would have slept
With Catherine Bach,
As if I had half a chance.
I drove home from doing laundry
and decided to do a little road trip.
I took Creasy Springs to Mauller Road.
Instead of turning down Moberly Drive
And taking my tired ass home
I went down to the stop sign,
Across V V, to see how far Mauller
Went in the other direction.
It went far enough for me to
Dodge the rabbit, hit the cat,
Hear the thud of roadkill,
And realize the road turned
Into someones driveway.
It was an orange tabby
That was chasing the rabbit.
I looked in the rear view mirror
And saw something crossing the road.
It must have been the cat
Because I didn't see no body
After I turned around to go back.
(If I had bothered to read my map
I would have known the road only
Went about two city blocks.)
At this point most people would have quit.
Not me.
I decided to go back on V V
And drive down to Akeman Bridge Road.
I wanted to see Akeman Bridge;
I had visions of a romantic covered bridge
Worthy of being immortalized in a poem.
Akeman Bridge Road starts off paved
And then turns into a dirt road.
The dirt part is where I ran into more problems.
The right side of the road had a two foot deep ditch.
The left side had an oncoming cattle truck.
I hit a pot hole,over steered and skidded
In front of said oncoming truck.
I managed to steer back right
Not get hit by the cattle truck
And I didn't go into ditch.
(That cattle truck went by so fast
I never did see any cows in there
But the adrenaline rush might
Have fogged my vision.)
At this point most people would have quit.
Not me.
I went on down Akeman Road,
Past the 90 degree turn,
Past the sign that said
Dangerous Hillside Road Ahead,
All the way until I was
Going up a very steep hill,
Crossing a slab of concrete,
That was over Perche Creek.
It might have been Akeman Bride.
It was about then my fear of heights kicked in
And I lost my balls.
( I never let the fact that I wasn't
actually born with a set of testicles
Ever slow me down, but my
Imaginary brass ones disappeared so fast
I felt the Whoosh of air between my legs.)
At this point most people would have quit.
Not me.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back over
The concrete slab on the side of the hill.
I drove on until I came to E and pulled over
It was at this point that I got out the map
and realized that Mauller Road only went
Two city blocks once you cross V V.
I decided to Dike up and turn around
And go back the way I came with
One little modification.
I decided to take Akeman to Oneal Road,
Then turn left onto Fenton Road.
I'm from Fenton, Michigan and I was
Hoping some home town voodoo magic would help.
Because this trip sure as hell felt cursed.
So I went back over the concrete slab,
(I refuse to call it a bridge.)
Up and down dangerous hillside,
Past 90 degree angle,
And took a right onto Oneal Road.
I was doing good and happy with myself
That I missed hitting two rabbits.
Then I hit total darkness.
The tree branches interlaced with each other
And blocked out most of the sunlight.
(I concentrated really hard at my driving
Because {And I don't think I'm over imaging anything}
I was ready for the trees to start throwing apples,
The wicked witch to fly over head,
Dorthy and the scarecrow to come walking down the road
And with my luck I would have ran over Toto.)
At this point most people would have quit.
Not me.
Mostly because there was no where to turn around.
I stayed on Oneal until I came to Fenton Road.
I turned left on Fenton Road.
Drove past Sycamore Hills.
Not that I give a damn where Sycamore Hills are located,
But just in case anyone asks I can give directions.
Fenton Road comes out at Creasy Springs.
I went left on Creasy Springs,
Right on Mauller Road,
Then left onto Moberly Drive
and down all the way to my parking spot.
It was at this point I decided to quit.
Until next time.

Anna Ruth Roe (c) 2009